I'm in a state of confusion right now. Whether to confess every mischief, or keep every secret a secret is my problem right now. Must I reveal everything or just bury everything six feet under?
Truth will set us free, ika nga. I know, mumultuhin din ako pagdating ng panahon ng mga katarantaduhan kong pilit kong ibabaon ngayon. Kung sasabihin ko man sa kanya ngayon lahat ng katarantaduhan ko, at least di na siya mabibigla kung me mahalungkat o magmulto in the future. Confession will leave me no worries that something may leak in the future. At least alam na niya at sa akin na mismo nanggaling.
Pero what if lalo niya ako kamuhian dahil sa confessions ko? Kasi di ko sinabi yun nun pa. Panu kung mawala na siyang tuluyan? I lost that person once. I cannot afford to lose that person again. Kahit ako, ayoko na rin nman balikan yung mga kalokohan ko noon. What if di na niya ako matanggap? At baka lalo lang kame masisira dahil lang sa mga yun.. ika nga ni Michael Scofield, "The less you know, the better." Mas maganda nga kayang wala na lang siyang alam?
Haay... ang hirap talga pag nagbabagong buhay na. Hinihila ka pa rin ng kahapon.
Will the truth set us free or the less that person knows, the better?
Binyag nun pinsan ko eh. nakalimutan ko pangalan. basta lam ko ninang nanay ko at masarap yung orange chicken at relyenong hipon ata yun. yung binyag, all in all, masarap yung pagkain.hehe
It's now 2:35pm, Monday, Nov 10,2008. Tomorrow, my 2nd sem for my 3rd year in college is going to start for real. My sembreak will end.. officially.
Hmm. What happened this sembreak? Let me just review.
When did my sembreak officially started? After my last exam on Oct 20. And what day is it now? Nov 10. Sembreak's last day. Whoa, I just had 3weeks for my sembreak.
3 weeks to rest from school pressures.
So what were the highlights of my sembreak?
Oct 24-25. Overnyt. Jebong's house. Of course, the Pimpz, Dao, Tsugi, and Papat. We rented a private pool. (hekshuli, wala lang talgang tao.haha) Tas syempre, mawawalan ba naman ng inuman? What we love about Jebong's house is that it houses a lot of beverages.hehe. Me tindahan kasi sila kaya case talga ang binibilang pag inuman. In addition to that, we have the luxury to get every happy horse in evry case. Oh di ba? Kung ilang case ng pinagsama-samang happy horse ang ininom namin ay di ko na alam.hehe. Me sasarap pa ba, kapag ganito ang sitwasyon: Oh, ubos na ang beer? No problemo! Kuha ka lang sa ibaba. Gabundok na cases pa ng alak pa ang andyan.hehe.
Oct 30-31. Popung's house. Genesis' semender. Overnyt din. Kelangan magbayad ng 150php para sa food. 10am sa Jollibee Guagua ang meeting. Here was our plan for that day: punta ng 5pm para mkaiwas sa bayaran.hehe. At ganun nga nangyari. Yun lang, madami na pla umuwi pagdating namin. Pero ok lang. Me natira pa naman.hehe. Videoke magdamag. At syempre, inuman. But no more gabundok na cases ng beer this time. Only Generoso and Velocity (Gin+Gatorade+Sprite) ang titirahin. Haay.. No better friends than highschool friends talaga.
Nov. 2. One on one. Stallion.haha.
Nov 7. With Stiffler. Camalig. Dana, 995 ang bill! Pero dami chicks in fairness.haha.
Huwaw, watta sembreak. Break talaga xa. It was lovely and sweet. Just found love. Gusto ko tuloy uleh bumalik sa hayskul.hehe. Sayang lang, bitin.hehe.
Wala lang.hehe. Natawa lang ako kasi ganito yung usually pose nun mga OFW sa Saudi na nagpapadala ng pics nila dito sa Pinas di ba?hehe. Kulang nlng maong na jacket, Rayban shades, tska gintong necklace at bracelet.hehe
I just got officially enrolled last Friday, Nov 7, 2008. I just got my class cards too. You know what greeted me first? A 5. Yes, singko. My world had just shattered--pangarap, amibsyon, hinaharap, yung talyer ko, pamilya ko, kotse ko, at stable na raket, guho lahat. Di kaagad nag-sink in yung grade kong iyon. And you know what made it worse? The next grade I saw was 4. Damn, that everything-just-shattered feeling was irrigated. Oh, I found myself thinkin, and pictures of me driving a pampasaherong jeeney, pushing a kariton, yelling bakal bote, just popped up. I know I'm overreacting. Sorry naman. It's my first time, in my entire life, to fail a subject. And, kung kelan pa patapos na ko. Haay.. Ang masaklap lang kasi, ako lang ata di makakakuha ng econ131 dahil sa 5 math101 ko. Sana di na ko nagmatigas. Sana nag-Adorio na lang tlga ako.=(
(Buti na lang ang sumunod na grade ay tres. Positivism. 'Ah,buti na lang me progression. Pataas. ok lang yun. Wala lang yung singko. Di ikaw ang unang nakasingko.' Buti nga singko ka pa. Taas na yun para sa effort mo dun sa subject.)
1pm. Pmunta ako ng SM Clark. Kelangan mag-isip. Kelangan ko na magbago. Seryosohin na (ilang beses ko na sinabi, pero wala pa rin,sana this time) talaga this sem. Acads mode na talaga. No more petiks. No more happy-go-lucky lexie. No more tipsy nights. You cannot afford to fail again. You cannot afford one more year. You cannot afford TO EXTEND.
I got to change my attitude. Seryoso na talga. Know my priorities. Sumama ka muna sa mga palaaral. Sa mga nagbubukas talaga ng libro. Sa hindi muna alam ang konsepto ng tagay. Sa ngayon, kelangan ko muna ng makakausap. Taong matutulungan ako. Sino kaya? Hmm. Kinuha ko cellphone ko. Browse sa phonebook. Aha! Lusung.
At tinext ko nga si Stiffmeister Stiffler Lusung. tinext ko: tol, pde ba tau magkita? Dana, bumagsak ako. Kita naman tayo oh. Gusto ko na magbagong buhay. Magtitino na ko. Need advice. Nagreply xa. "ok, kitakits na lang sa Camalig."
Maaasahan talga si Stiffler. Pero dana, bakit sa Camalig pa?!
At nagkita na nga kame. But he was not alone. He was with that brown bottle filled with bubbly yellow liquid, seducing me with its moist falling down from its lips slowly to the table. Tas dumating pa ang umuusok na sizzling sisig. Gawdemet! wala ako nagawa kundi umupo at batiin ang kabayo.
Pinuno niya ang dalawang baso. "Ok, isang tagay para sa pagbabago! Nice lex!hehe."
Inistreyt ko ang isang baso. Isang kutsara ng sisig. Buhos uleh sa baso.
Tama nga ba ang taong tinext ko?
**Title concept was taken from lhabzyah's comment (I don't know her personally)
My dad and I are oceans apart. As in no mode of transpo except airplane can make us hug each other. We seldom meet each other, as in 2-3 weeks a year lang? He does not even call often. Good thing there's YM.hehe. Kelangan kasi niya ng YM sa office niya. Kaya ako, chinichempuhan ko siya sa office hours niya para makachat ko siya. Mas madalas kami sa YM mag-usap kesa sa phone. Eh, libre lang nman kasi sa YM eh. Kaya ito ang patok samin as a way of communication.hehe. Bakit ko sinasabi ito? La lang. Gusto ko lang ishare.hehe. Yung iba kasi, hindi nila alam ganu sila kaswerte na kapiling nila mga mahal nila sa buhay (sus, kadrama ko naman). hehe. Pero hindi yun tlga main point ng blog na to (although considered na rin point yun) hehe. My dad has a different perspective in life. He believes in hardwork and see things in a positive way. I saved one of our conversations. Ganito ang usapan namin nun isang araw:
alexbatac: Hi my boy, how r u alexbatac: Where are u now lexusdstripper: im in school ryt now. using my laptop.hehe alexbatac: Did u receive the email mssgs i sent alexbatac: Wow sosi ka na ha lexusdstripper: hehe. tnx again for the laptop. it helps me a lot. alexbatac: Kahit na walang connections pwede internet diba? alexbatac: Dont carry ur laptap when open, it will be destroyed easily lexusdstripper: yup. thru wi-fi. wireless connection yun. yup ive read the instructions on how to take care of the laptop. lexusdstripper: ala ka bago email msg sakin? alexbatac: How is ur studies? How is ur life? You must always have a sunny disposition, smiling face not malungkutin. alexbatac: You must look like a winner, masaya lexusdstripper: yup. im trying to be psitive. i ma mu tlga ing emotional masyado. kaw kasi eh.hehe alexbatac: Smile to people, greet them & that will have contageous effect lexusdstripper: ive got 96/100 on my last exam in calculus. im improving.hehe alexbatac: Good, u can make it just focus on it. U r there to learn what u dont know yet. alexbatac: Develop also ur communications skill. U should know how to talk lexusdstripper: but sometimes i find wat they teach in school idealistic.. parang i wont use them in the outside world.. alexbatac: U will be more attractive if u can communicate well alexbatac: You may not need them now but someday u may use them so u have to learn them. Take anything like Pacman. Be hungry on knowledge alexbatac: If we cannot change the attitude of ur mom, dont be influenced. alexbatac: When u speak inside the class, dont use taglish. Speak in English to impress and command respect lexusdstripper: my mom affects me so much. sometimes i cant help but answer her. alexbatac: Dont answer back to ur mom. Just ignore alexbatac: Be with people u like, u idolized. lexusdstripper: dapat kasi di mo siya kinulong sa bahay eh.hehe. alexbatac: Though ur laptop is handy, be careful in using it so it will last till u finish ur masteral course (MBA) or Law. lexusdstripper: dad, i love cars. can i learn more about cars and eventually it will be my business someday? alexbatac: She could hardly land a job then coz her size. I accompanied her in Makati, despite her backers, she was not hired alexbatac: If in car bus. u should learn also the documentations like registration, deed of sale and insurance lexusdstripper: yes. im willing to learn thsoe transactions. is it ok to have my car already? im really desperate to have a car that i can proudly call my own.hehe alexbatac: U will appreciate more if u will buy ur own car. Make that a dream, an inspiration lexusdstripper: hmpf! but is it ok to you if i could work it out to buy my car?wehehe alexbatac: Finish ur studies, work and/or engage in business then buy ur car/s alexbatac: You may go with ur mom here in Guam come April. Drive around ur mom with a red RX8 sportscar, fully loaded. lexusdstripper: as if mom wants to see you there.haha. alexbatac: U should be here to prove that our critics are wrong. alexbatac: If u r with her, you can tour her around while I am at work. U will not get bored lexusdstripper: kaw lang naman tong problema eh. lage mo sinasabi punta kami jan di naman pala. alexbatac: U have no time coz of ur studies. If u will pass all ur subject n no need for summer class, then u may come here this vacation lexusdstripper: eh ganyan din sinabi mo last xmas break and sembreak eh. alexbatac: xmas and sem brakes are not ideal lexusdstripper: ok. ill try this summer. alexbatac: Can u work as waiter in a restaurant? Taga ligpit ng pinagkainan at linis table lexusdstripper: aus lang. kahit experience lang. i want to try working on a restaurant alexbatac: I will look for an easy job for u, not under the sun lexusdstripper: can i work here in summer in case i wont go to guam? jollibee for example lexusdstripper: dad, i have to go. bye!
He does not wait for reply. He says what he wants to say. Kaya hindi nagkakatugma minsan mga replies namin. Sinusulit talaga niya kahit sa YM. hehe. I know he's a busy person and I don't have any grudge about it. It's not easy for us, but I know we really have to sacrifice.
My dad had been through in a lot of things. I know he is an experienced person. And I trust him for that. Whatever he says, I follow. It's not because I'm scared to him, but I respect and trust him not just because he's my dad, but as person. He's a respectable man in our place. He came from nothing. Pinaghirapan tlga niya kung asan man siya ngayon. That's why I believe in him so much.
Why am I saying this? I really don't know. Siguro I just want something to remember someday. Journal nga ito di ba? Para makita ko yung sarili ko ngayon some time in the future pag nabasa ko ito at iba ko pang blogs. Yun din dahilan kaya public lahat ng pinupost ko para in case na makalimutan ko password ko.hehe.
Uhm,gusto ko rin ishare my dad thoughts. He's a nice man. You can also learn from his perspectives in life.
**whoa, I really missed my dad. I hope someday technological advancements could tranfer hugs..
Habang binabaybay namin pauwi ang NLEX, pinatugtog namin sa car stereo ang Go Girl by Pitbull...
(translated in Tagalog, Kapampangan talaga) Nanay Lydia: Yan, gusto ko ang kantang yan. Ang galing kasi ni Billy at Vhong Navarro nung sinayaw nila yan sa ASAP. Anu nga kasi apelyido ni Billy?
Jing: Billy Joe?
Nanay Lydia: (Buntong-hininga)
Jing: Clinton?
Hindi. May ford yung dulo nun eh.
Catya: Hanford?
Nanay Lydia: Brief yun eh.
Jay: Revillame?
Nanay Lydia: Aydayo! Ali da kayu akasabi masalese! Hala cge, diretso uwi. Wala ng stop over at kakain!
